creativelywhatever

Today was one of those days where I felt like I would very much rather be dead than continue to live this way the rest of my life. The pain was unbearable for hours. Having no end in sight to never being able to go to pain management or get Aimovig again leaves me feeling like the brittle, cracking shell of an egg that's been stressed to the point of shattering.

Even now, I can sit up and see the screen but every key I type, however lightly, leaves both ears screaming because sound of any sort has become so unbearable.

Please God.. I've suffered more than 2/3 of my life. My entire adult life so far has been flushed down the drain and I can't take anymore.

Trying to stay awake til I CANT anymore. That’s the only way I’ll get any sleep with this anxiety. Moms CT is tomorrow. Ugh.

Sometimes things seem okay, and sometimes they don't. The yo-yo is driving me insane.

I had a dream that Mom had her CT and it showed NOTHING. No evidence of disease whatsoever. What I wouldn’t give...

Another night of no sleep. I wanted to sleep downstairs and send the puppies upstairs with my husband because of how bad they'd been and I was exhausted. I went to bed at 4 and he let them downstairs at 4:30 and they jumped on my head. Super effin helpful.

I’m so tired today omg I fed Mom and now I think I’m gonna sleep.

Well it’s 1:40 am and I am awake, exhausted and in so much pain I just want to curl up and die. I’ve been in this hellish flare for 4 days now. I’m completely useless, even more than usual and I just give up.